There once was a teenager named Earl
Who thought he wanted to be girl
But he had no choice
He could not be Joyce
So he dressed up and went for a awhirl.

CraigsLimerick forum - Contest

There once was a lady named Pearly
Wanted her birthday cake served early
She just could not wait
Because she’s eighty-eight
And no longer a little girlie!

There once was an old man named Clay
And his birthday was yesterday
He turned ninety-two
But between me and you
Looks like he might fade away!

There once was girl named Hortence
She looked for her birthday presents
And what did she see
Under the Christmas tree!
Her gifts---what a coincidence!

There was a handle ended with three
Free of numbers I wanted it to be
When I typed in word
It printed out turd
The rest is comput-ing history

Revelations and Insights

There once was a man from Baghdad
Wanted to know why he felt sad
He sat and wondered
Like farts thoughts thundered
Amazed, he shout out it’s a gonad!

There once was a traveler named Dan
Wish’d the plane soon land in Japan
His prostrate was bad
And He was quite sad
Cause the door was locked to the can

There was once a woman named Sally
Who walked with a man down an alley
One night as they strode
Out jumped little toad
She said, “Back in your pants, O’Malley!”

There once was an old man named Dunk
Who got drunk and petted a skunk
To get rid of the stink
He sat down in a sink
Then, those tomatoes blistered his junk.

There was a man walked in the snow
Who was afraid he’d froze a toe
Took off sock and shoe
And yes, it was blue
Then, that digit fell straight to the floe!

There was a girl climbed a tree
Who longed to catch sight of the sea
When asked, “can we assist”
She replied, “Quite pisst,
“Not unless you can go pee for me!”

There was a young boy who, when little
Could work up a full mouth of spittle
When he tried to spit
The preacher he hit
That salivating boy with the spittle

There was an old man of Hong Kong,
Who wanted to sing folks a song
They all lost their cheer
From the sound they’d hear
That tone deaf old man of Hong Kong

There was a sad maid from Pontiac
Whose doctor proscribed her Prozac
She looked quite crappy
But now she’s happy
That disheveled maid from Pontiac

There was an old man named George
On sweets and pastries he would gorge
He got so very fat
In his chair he sat
That chair bound old man named George

There was an old man of Chicago
Who fed on whiskey and tobacco
Lived a long life
Even outlived his wife
That yellow old man of Chicago

There was an old man of Siam
Who lived on bologna and ham
When he would give out
He would snort and shout
That noisy old man of Siam

There was an old person of Lansing
Whose sense of rhythm was amazing
He purchased new shoes
Then gave out the news
And took all the ladies out dancing

I once met a lady named Dinah
Everyday served lunch on fine china
Cup and saucer fell
All would not be well
That poor broke waitress named Dinah

There was a man from Milwaukee
Wanted to cool off his coffee
To saucer it went
Then an accident
Scalded that man from Milwaukee

There was a magician named Dix
Could no longer do magic tricks
He lost his rabbit
When someone grabbed it
Now all he has is nervous tics

We all want to know where they stand
I heard a newscaster demand
Well, tain't on their seat!
They use their two feet
It's not on their cans where they stand!

For hours the cop peers in the screen
Looking at scenes clearly obscene
What is this mans task
You might want to ask
Is catching perverts his real scheme!